Guest blog by: Katie Jay, MSW; Certified Life & Wellness Coach It’s an old joke, but when my surgeon offered me gastric bypass surgery, he shook my hand and said he’d make me a promise. “What’s the promise?” I asked eagerly. “I promise...” he paused. “No, I guarantee you will have an experience!” he guffawed. “What kind of experience?!” I exclaimed, my eyes as round as quarters. Of course, he couldn’t tell me. He explained, “It’s both the effects of your choices and the sum of everything that happens to you.” So, while we all have an experience after bariatric surgery, each of our experiences will likely be different. My surgeon didn’t say it directly, but in part, he was telling me my success wasn’t guaranteed. I thought, If I can’t predict my experience, what can I count on? Is anything guaranteed? After 20 years, I’ve come to believe there are four main guarantees—four things we can know for sure: Nothing goes as planned Everything will change You will be imperfect You will go through change These guarantees can help you respond confidently to challenges on your bariatric surgery journey. Understanding these guarantees will help you see your experience in a compassionate and hopeful light. 1. Nothing Goes as Planned Despite our desire for it to be otherwise, we can know with absolute certainty that nothing will go as planned. Life is full of curveballs, and life after bariatric surgery is no exception. When you understand and accept that truth, you can use the curveballs as opportunities to learn and grow. You can get comfortable with challenges and learn how to navigate them effectively. As you improve your skills, you will build self-trust. Curveballs can take many forms: Physical: illness, injury, exhaustion Mental: a big problem to solve, critical self-talk, denial Emotional: depression, grief, anger—even happiness Social: pressure from others to eat, old friends uncomfortable with the new you, lack of support from those around you 2. Everything Will Change Even though we know life is a constant process of change, sometimes it changes so much that we don’t recognize where we are or know how to get back to where we want to be. That’s a challenge. Think of life as a moving river. Every time you dive into it, you’re diving into different water. When you stand at the river’s edge in your life, you’ll need to survey the terrain: How fast is the water moving? How strong is the flow? Will you need a canoe? Can you swim across easily? Do you need swimming lessons? A lifeguard? Because things are always changing, you will always need to change with them. 3. You Will Be Imperfect Of all the things I could wish for my bariatric friends, my main wish is that they find compassion for themselves. Imperfection is the definition of being human. It’s what makes us unique and interesting. I love what Leonard Cohen wrote about being flawed: "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack, a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in." It’s important to accept what is and to give yourself grace. When babies fall down, we say, “Oopsie!” We stand them back up and encourage them to try again. When you fall, do the same. Pick yourself up and encourage yourself to try again. And if you need someone to hold your hand, ask! 4. You Will Go Through Change You can’t predict your bariatric journey. But it’s guaranteed that life will happen, your plans will go awry, and you won’t always handle things perfectly. But you will grow through change. The great thing about The Bariatric Surgery Guarantee is that you will have a bariatric experience—and responding to whatever the journey brings is your opportunity to learn, grow, and become resilient. In that way, you won’t just go through change—you will transform. You’ll reach a point where you’ll know how to take care of yourself, you’ll want to do it, and you’ll do it with confidence. You’ll learn to trust yourself and know that when you fall down, you’ll get up. You’ll recognize what you need and feel confident asking for it. You’ll encourage yourself instead of beating yourself up. You’ll change in ways you never could have imagined.